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If Some of the Blogs I Read Were Teenage Girls and the 2012 GOP Primary were the Senior Prom…

Ace of Spades would be the one still upset that her football-star boyfriend is out of the running for Prom King, due to an academic supsension, even though, like spluh! he’s obviously better looking and cooler than anyone else, and they’re all just jealous for not seeing it.

Other McCain would be the one constantly talking up her new boyfriend with all the ardor and devotion that she used to talk up her previous boyfriend who got expelled under rumor that he’d impregnated a freshman.

Protein Wisdom would be the one who decided that she didn’t even want to go anymore if the Class President becomes Prom King, as is expected, because he’s so lame and people only like him because his dad is rich but he’s totally two-faced, and she would maintain this position the harder when her friends tried to convince that she totally should go, because, PROM!

UPDATE: Nothing, not even unflattering portrayals, stops Other McCain’s gentlemanly use of Rule 2. And he sneaks in a bit of Rule 5 in the process! I bow to the master blogger.

Oxfordians: The Birthers of the Elizabethan Renaissance

I have long wearied of the tiresome assertion that Shakespeare did not write Shakespeare. This phillipic by Ron Rosenbaum against the cinematic albatross Anonymous is three months old, but punctures the key argument of the Oxford fantasy:

In the opening, our fancy-pants British narrator (Derek Jacobi) tells us disdainfully that Shakespeare only had a “grammar school” education, disingenuously concealing the fact that the typical “grammar school” of the time, such as the one in Shakespeare’s hometown Stratford, had graduates who had learned how to translate and compose verse in Latin. Can you compose verse in Latin? How many American poets can? How many Oxfordians can even read Latin? As Simon Schama, the British historian, put it recently:

“Grammar school,” which means elementary education in America, was in fact a cradle of serious classical learning in Elizabethan England. By the time he was 13 or so, Shakespeare would have read (in Latin) works by Terence, Plautus, Virgil, Erasmus, Cicero, and probably Plutarch and Livy too. One of the great stories of the age was what such schooling did for boys of humble birth.

So, if someone of Shakespeare’s education could have written those plays, then does it not violate Ockham’s Razor to insist that another man wrote them? What, besides simply snobbery, does Oxfordianism satisfy?

The Republican Party Returneth, Like a Dog, Unto its Own Vomit. But it Doesn’t Matter.

Stacy McCain links this damning comparison of the 2012 primary election to the 2008 primary election.

I’m thinking of a Republican primary. It starts with a candidate (John McCain/Mitt Romney) who ran once before, came in second place, and won over the party’s elite class without winning over its base. Other candidates, understandably unwilling to accept this, line up: An under-funded social conservative (Mike Huckabee/Rick Santorum), an elder statesman who’s walked to the altar three times (Rudy Giuliani/Newt Gingrich), a libertarian who wants to bring back the gold standard (Ron Paul/Ron Paul).

Read the Whole Thing, of course, but remember this: last time the Annointed Nincompoop had to run with the Shroud of George Bush hanging on his shoulders. This time he gets to run against the Shroud of Emperor Golden Dancer. McCain was an old man running on his war record against the Shiny New Candidate of Hope. Mitt Romney may excite no man, but he exudes managerial competence from every pore of his being. We should not pretend that such will not matter against #OccupyResoluteDesk, whose supposedly masterful campaign has been sputtering of late, and in any case only won 52% of the vote last time.


In Which I Argue Against Every Point I Just Made About the Election

Just because I’m cynical about the remaining forlorn hope for a Not-Mitt doesn’t mean I’m any more pleased about it than say, the gang at Protein Wisdom.

Let’s consider some other possibilities.

  1. Either of the Ricks (Perry or Santorum) Might Win South Carolina. New Hampshire has an open primary. That means Democrats and Independents voted. This explains why Huntsman came in third and Ron Paul came in second. South Carolina is not like that. Evangelicals matter in South Carolina. An upset win could stop Romney’s momentum and end his sense of Inevitability.
  2. Gingrich Might Land a Punch. The insidious thing about Gingrich’s Bain Capital remark is that it got people talking about it. It’s the kind of argument that Obama could easily use against Romney, and if enough people notice that, Romney’s main argument — his electability — could be seriously damaged. And if not, Newt’s still mad enough to come at him another way. He might yet find something that will actually turn off people who’re are lukewarm for Romney.
  3. Ron Paul Might be Stronger Than We Think. Paul is the “to hell with everything” candidate in a “to hell with everything” year. We shouldn’t underestimate that. Nor should we overestimate the importance of foreign policy to voters, especially in a “to hell with everything” year. Remember, for the past several years, Barak Obama has been sending robot bombers to blast away at people around the world and no one, left or right, seems to care very much. And even if Obama and the media attempt to cast Ron Paul as Bull Connor, Paul seems perfectly willing to play the race card on behalf of blacks, especially as regards things like the Drug War. And, as we’ve noticed, he possesses sufficient fortitude to punch back twice as hard in debates. The disappointed Obama Youth might just not care about stuff that was written before they were born.

The deeper question is, given a choice between Obama and Paul, could I vote for Paul?

Read this blog and tell me the answer.