First, in honor of Pat Conroy’s passing, his own eulogy of his father, the Great Santini. The essence of it:

We were raised by the men who made the United States of America the safest country on earth in the bloodiest century in all recorded history.

Read the Whole Thing.

Second, Ace of Spades reposts the madness of his Kaboom Lamentation:

Kaboom was for people — children, I mean — who had decided to give up on life. And it’s a sad thing for a six-year-old to have already thrown in the towel and said, “Ah well. The hopes and dreams of kindergarten are ultimately exposed as so much folly. Give me the Kaboom, Ma. I’m ready to settle.”

It just keeps getting funnier from there.