Patrick Carney Trolls the Beliebers, Emerges Triumphant.

While strong in reality, appear to be weak; while brave in reality, appear to be cowardly.

-Sun-Tzu

I mentioned this the Twit-spat that Justin Bieber started with Black Keys Drummer Patrick Carney the other day. I only marginally cared because I’m a Black Keys fan, and I never intended to pay it further mind. But Patrick Carney has come up with a Sun-Tzu level response to being Twit-mobbed by Beliebers:

Does one argue with an enraged, irrational crowd of cultists? Of course not, because argument has no effect on them; one may as well argue with the tides. What you do is use their fury against them. Bend with the winds, and they pass through you.

In Other News, Matt Damon Wants Us to Know About his Bowel Movements, and Justin Bieber is Kind of a Punk.

No. Not short enough.

So Matt Damon seems to have just found out that not everyone in the world has access to a flush toilet. His response, well then he won’t use one either, then.  Apparently until johns are provided for the 2.5 billion people who lack them.

“Does anybody have any idea what invention has saved more lives than any other in the history of humankind?” the 42-year-old actor asked a room of “reporters,” “The toilet.”

True. Which is why you should USE ONE.

Meanwhile, at the Grammy’s (words I’ve made it thus far without uttering), the Black Keys won a bunch of awards for riding the zeitgeist like an old Huffy. But because a few tween girls managed to make it into the press corps for the event, someone asked drummer Patrick Carney if Justin Beiber should feel dissed.

“He’s rich, right?” Carney said when TMZ.com asked if Bieber should feel burned. “Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.”

Such naivete cannot go unpunished, so Frankie Valley Lief Garret Davy Jones David Cassidy Donnie Wahlberg Justin Bieber decided to give Carney a display of his famed wit:

oh_snap__burn

That’s all. I just got weary of the political beat for a while. It’s refreshing to touch down and be reminded that celebrities are still vapid idiots.