Alan Simpson is Awesome

Or, the Benefits of Political Retirement

Ex-Senator Alan Simpson sent a letter to the California Alliance of Retired Americans, in which he roundly told them to pull their decrepit heads from their aging sphincters and try reading the Simspon-Bowles Act before mumbling about how their Metamucil costs more than it used to and young people with their rock n’ roll and their eight-tracks use curse words and dress like whores.

Don’t believe me? Here’s an exerpt:

What a wretched group of seniors you must be to use the faces of the very people that we are trying to save, while the “greedy geezers” like you use them as a tool and a front for your nefarious bunch of crap. You must feel some sense of shame for shoveling out this bulls**t. Read the latest news from the Social Security Trustees. The Social Security System will now “hit the skids” in 2033 instead of 2036. If you can’t understand all of this you need a pane of glass in your naval so you can see out during the day! Read the report. Get back to me. My address is below.

Naturally, the group’s official spokesfogie issued a rote, paint-by-numbers whine about how Mean Alan Simpson is, and how raising the retirement age is like, so Un-Fair.

It only took a few decades, but Social Security has finally turned our elderly into adolescents.


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