Variety Starts Telling Us What Movies We Should Care About Next Year: A Fisking

I don’t care about the Oscars. I didn’t watch them, and haven’t for some years. I don’t require some Star Chamber of Weinstein-enablers to direct my tastes in cinema.

I noticed the article because it let the mask slip: there’s a formula to all this nonsense, and there’s been a formula for some time: there’s a season of Oscar Films, and there’s the rest of the year of Movies for the Great Unwashed. You need to have your movies out during Oscar Season™, or else No One Cares.

Thus, Variety has already decided what we’re going to be talking about a year from now. Or predicted, anyway. This is sufficiently annoying to merit a Fisking.

Original text in bold, my response in italic.

Continue reading “Variety Starts Telling Us What Movies We Should Care About Next Year: A Fisking”

Actual Having a Baby vs. Having a Cat: A Riposte to The Oatmeal

Imagine your grandfather parsing that title.

Anyhoo, Matt Inman, hilarious scribbler of The Oatmeal, has ribbingly touted the virtues of cat-ownership vis-a-vis human reproduction. Inman’s antipathy to babies are known, so this is not suprising. Nor am I going to pretend that it is not funny. But in this day and age, we breeders deserve a shot-back. This will constitute it.

Also, as I have both babies and cats in my house, my comparison stems from first-hand observation, and not mere horror at the diminished freedom of one’s peers to consume ethanol in public houses.

It seems bad form to copypasta the man’s drawings, so I will content myself with reproducing his words in bold, and then replying to them in italicContinue reading “Actual Having a Baby vs. Having a Cat: A Riposte to The Oatmeal”

In Honor of Madonna’s Splendidly Awful Show Last Night…

…and of Stacy McCain’s judicious assessment of same, here is a re-post of me fisking a Madonna press conference back in 2005:

Madonna: the Gag That Keeps On Giving

We were hoping that Her Pretentiousness would grace us with a response to those who’ve been mocking her these past several weeks. Well the God she worships evidently exists, because our prayers have been answered. A few excerpts:
Continue reading “In Honor of Madonna’s Splendidly Awful Show Last Night…”

Imagine All The People…Liking Better Songs: A Fisking of John Lennon

I hate “Imagine” by John Lennon. Hate it. I hate it’s sappy, maudlin piano riff; I hate it’s  dull, lazy structure. I hate the video featuring Yoko just off to the side like some soul-engulfing gargoyle. I hate the insipid cartoon image of Lennon that packages the song.

What a dork.

But most of all, I hate the lyrics, which paint the picture of the saddest, lamest utopia ever conceived by the mind of man, yet has been transubstantiated into some kind of progressive Sermon on the Mount.

Let’s rip into them, shall we? Continue reading “Imagine All The People…Liking Better Songs: A Fisking of John Lennon”