Posted in Pop Culture, Uncategorized

Anyone Who’s Offended by Anyone on Red Eye is Too Stupid to Watch Star Wars

Knock it off, nerds.

More than a month ago, I made some jokes about Star Wars on Red Eye, a satirical political comedy show that airs at 3 a.m., and it has resulted in me being verbally abused and told to die by a mob of enraged fans for the past four days now.  The capital-offense comments were: “I have never had any interest in watching space nerds poke each other with their little space nerd sticks, and I’m not going to start now.

I don’t need to prove my Star Wars fan status, just hit the tag attached to this post. And if I did need to prove my status, then I wouldn’t because that’s deeply lame. But as a fan, the line about space nerd sticks is funny. It just is.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

So maybe instead of posting a ten-minute video about how ANGRY you are  that someone on Red Eye made a joke about your fandom, maybe just laugh it off and go back to making excited speculations about why Luke isn’t in the trailer.

Is this what being a Star Wars fan means? That we have to pretend that Star Wars is the most important thing that ever happened? That we have to send people death threats? Death Threats? Really? (Yeah, I know Beardy the Wonderfan offers the obligatory denunciation of death threats. But we shouldn’t have to denounce death threats made by Star Wars fans)

What do you do when you encounter someone who was born in say, the 1990’s, and never saw the Original Trilogy? Do you strap them down, peel back their eyeballs and give them a Ludovico viewing? BECAUSE STAR WARS IS A POP CULTURE INSTITUTION AND ALL MUST KNOW IT AND ALL MUST LIKE IT AND I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING.

The whole point of Red Eye is to engage in forbidden, non-PC humor (that’s why it’s on Fox). Nothing they say on that show should ever be taken at all seriously. If you can’t understand that, you’re too dumb to watch Star Wars, because you probably think that if you concentrate hard enough you can use the Force to make the Thrawn Trilogy better than mediocre (yeah, I said it. Come at me, nerds).

This is the kind of pedantic dweebery I expect from Trekkies. We’re supposed to be cooler than that. Come on.

Author:

I write and publish things with the speed of a hare and the determination of a tortoise. I am building it; it will come.

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